life is like a box of chocolates

someone i loved once gave me a box full of darkness. it took me years to understand that this too was a gift – mary oliver
and i dilligently carried that old box with me, heavy on my heart, not being able to open it or to throw it away or to return it. or for that matter to do something with it other than carrying it along, just like a child drags his favorite broken toy for days before letting it go.
well, you never called back, he says a bit disappointed at the other end of the line
i tried… i had things on my mind… there was no time… i do what i always do, seeking excuses because the truth would be too hard to explain.
actually, to be honest, i can`t do it anymore. i can`t sing or play anymore. not since i met him and started loving him.
Hey! you still there? he thinks the signal is poor.
yeah… still here… sorry, got a bit distracted. you were saying?
we didn`t get to make that acoustic night… we were supposed to rehearse a bit after all these years…
oh… right… sure. sorry. let`s have a beer these days and we`ll talk more, ok? He`s one of my oldest friends, he cares. But he can`t see it… the storm circling down deep in my eyes.
Through the crack of my bedroom door i can see my guitar. i should sell it. not for the money, but because i can`t play it anymore. and i can`t sing. or write poems. i should trade my words too. not for money.
i traded one love for another. or so i thought at least. but every single second i think of moving on from my poems and my songs and my love, my soul crunches. just like dead leaves on autumn. and i can`t breathe. this must be some parallel universe, in which i trade dreams for common feelings.
through the cracks in my skin i can see lines of my soul. i hear those nights with whispers and laughters… velvet ribbons around me. i feel wild heartbeats mixing with the heavy rain on rooftops…. body curves slowly in the soft satin of the night. i smell the calm sea under the full moon, breathing in the rythm of love…. the air gets stuck in the lungs, silence breaks the bonds for a few second, words mix inside and get stuck middle way, eyes closed, time runs between hands, hold tight, don`t let go.. clear blue sky in a cold morning, room is warm, silence is bliss.
i`m above the city. city is cold and sleepy. time… time? what does that word mean?